It’s 7:30 pm, time for bed. But your toddler has other ideas. Crying, protesting, getting out of bed again and again: in short, your toddler won’t sleep. It can feel like a daily struggle. Good to know: you are not alone. Many parents go through this phase.
“This is completely normal,” says certified sleep coach Merel. “Toddlers develop very quickly, and that affects their sleep pattern.” In this blog, we discuss common situations and their causes. Of course, Merel also shares practical tips. Because what should you do if your toddler won’t sleep, or if your toddler won’t sleep and keeps crying?
Your toddler suddenly won’t sleep, or maybe this has been going on for a while. Either way, there is often more behind it. “At this age, children go through huge developmental leaps,” Merel explains. “Their (inner) world becomes bigger, which can feel overwhelming. As a result, they often seek more safety, and that can affect sleep.” Separation anxiety also often plays a role: your toddler won’t sleep without mum. Merel says: “It’s very normal for children to develop a preference for one parent, often the mother. Sleep means feeling safe, and at that moment they want mum close by.”
Three other scenarios and possible causes:
A toddler who won’t sleep can take a lot of energy. For you and your little one. Luckily, the right approach can make a big difference. Sleep coach Merel shares her three most important tips for better sleep.
“It’s crucial to first identify the cause,” Merel emphasises. “Separation anxiety or overtiredness often play a role. When children are overtired, they produce stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, which actually make them more restless and make it harder to fall asleep. It may also be that there isn’t enough sleep pressure. In that case, it’s good to look at the routine. Maybe your child is ready to drop a nap or shorten the afternoon nap. Or perhaps a later bedtime suits them better.”
She also advises ruling out physical discomfort. “Check whether illness or teething could be involved. If sleep problems persist, you might consider professional support, for example from a sleep coach.”
“Children are incredibly sensitive to the energy you project. If you are calm and confident, your child will feel safer.” Consistency is essential here. “Do the same things every evening and clearly explain what is going to happen.”
Good sleep hygiene is important for everyone, but especially for toddlers, according to Merel:
A toddler who won’t sleep can have different causes, from separation anxiety to new developmental phases. The “not wanting to sleep” can also show up in different ways, from crying to focusing strongly on mum. What should you do in these specific situations? Merel shares her targeted advice.
“A comfort item can work wonders,” says Merel. “Let a cuddly toy or cloth smell like mum by sleeping with it yourself for a while. This gives your child a sense of safety.” She also stresses the importance of quality time: “Especially after a day at childcare or with a babysitter, plan some one-on-one time. Playing together, without distractions like phones or TV, helps your child feel seen and safe. And that leads to better sleep.” In this situation, it is very important to keep involving the other parent in the bedtime routine, so both parents can put the child to bed and a stronger preference doesn’t develop.
If your child suddenly won’t sleep, this can be caused by fears. “That’s completely normal. A red or orange night light can help. It creates a feeling of safety and interferes the least with melatonin production, the sleep hormone.” A sudden refusal to sleep can also be linked to a developmental leap. Your child may need more physical activity during the day, so they use more energy and fall asleep more easily. “If your child suddenly can’t or won’t sleep, it’s always wise to check whether something else is going on, such as teething or illness.”
“Be clear but loving,” Merel advises. “For example, say: It’s time to sleep now, we had a nice day. I’ll stay next to your bed until you fall asleep, but you will sleep in your own bed.” Consistency is crucial again. “If you stay one time and not the next, you create an unsettled and unsafe feeling, and your toddler may start pushing boundaries.”
As mentioned earlier, a fixed routine is essential. Does your little one keep crying? “Stick to the same sleep times, including during the day,” Merel stresses. “And prevent overtiredness by starting the bedtime routine on time.” If crying continues, it’s always wise to look for the cause. “If you are worried, contact your GP.”
“Turn sleeping independently into a positive story. For example, practise with a cuddly toy: put the toy to bed together and praise your child in the morning for sleeping so well in their own bed. Also talk about sleeping in their own bed during the day, when your child is not upset or anxious. Children understand more than we often think.”
For children aged three and up, a reward system can work. “Let your child save stickers for a small gift or fun activity if they stay in their own bed. This tip is only suitable if your child doesn’t want to sleep because they are testing boundaries. If fear is involved, it’s better to focus on clear, loving communication and a small night light.”
If your toddler won’t sleep, you may feel alone or lost. But you are definitely not the only one. As a certified sleep coach, Merel helps many families with sleep issues. A reassuring thought from Merel: “Remember that everything is a phase. Your toddler may need only mum right now, but that will change. Children become more independent over time.
And if it really feels heavy, professional help is always available. For example, if your toddler won’t sleep and you can’t figure out why, it’s wise to contact a sleep coach, especially if the sleep regression lasts a long time.”
Merel is a certified sleep coach who works with a holistic approach. Through her own experience with broken nights, she understands the impact on the whole family better than anyone. Her approach is gentle and personal. She looks at all the factors that influence your child’s sleep, from health and nutrition to family situation and temperament.
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